


Felicity Smoak - A path of my own

by MaryTagus



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 22:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10055333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryTagus/pseuds/MaryTagus
Summary: A strong sadness rampage about Olicity eventually not happening this Season 5. At the sametime I considered the way Felicity has been treated and the way she’s isolating herself and this is the result…





	

The TV streaming was covering the Star City Gazette Gala, the Mayor was attending and getting the full coverage, his elegant girlfriend by his side; smiling together, their happiness coming through her screen.

In her heart Felicity was happy for Oliver. He had been through so much he deserved to be happy. She, on the other hand, hadn’t felt this void, this useless since the day her father abandon her.

The empty bunker was just a constant in her life as of late, even when it was filled with people she felt invisible. Just the hand that pressed the keys on the keyboard, a job almost anyone could do.

Out of the bunker things weren’t any better, if they were anything they were worse. She had nothing to occupy herself, and her brain, outside the Team mission, a mission she was far from being indispensable for it to be accomplished.

Oliver was talking to the reporters with the self assurance that came out of confidence, of being happy. A happiness she had lost.

She saw Dig, Lyla and Thea on the background. Her friends… the thought brought tears to her eyes, their smiles were for Oliver and Susan. While she was here alone. After all these years she had accomplished nothing, no home just a house that wasn’t even her choice, friends who were firstly Oliver’s friends and family, a mission that was firstly Oliver’s mission.

The realization dawns on her like she had just woken up to a nightmare. A nightmare she decides to end in that very moment.

Looking around she picks up her bag and the Pandora files thumbdrive and walks out of the Lair.

* * *

The bunker is dark to Curtis surprise. Usually Felicity is the first one to arrive. Turning the system on, he starts the daily checks.

“Hi Curtis.”

Diggle walks directly to the training area.

“Is Dinah here yet?”

“No, not yet.”

“Wanna get a few rounds in, Curtis?”

Needing the training Curtis agrees and soon him, Diggle and later on Dinah do some Krav maga.

Oliver arrives giving the training his full attention. Curtis still needs more practice but Dinah is getting pretty good.

“Want to join in, Oliver?”

Diggle teases.

“You are doing pretty well. Besides there’s a problem I need solving. Where’s Felicity?”

They all come to a full stop.

“She’s not here.”

Diggle states the obvious, in shock on not realizing it sooner.

“She wasn’t here when I came in.”

Oliver picks up his phone. It’s unusual of Felicity to be tardy.

The phone rings and finally he hears her voice, it takes him a moment to understand it’s the message box.

“Felicity, where are you? Call me.”

The shock is in everyone’s faces.

“She didn’t pick up?”

Oliver nods affirmatively to Diggle’s question.

“She’s probably busy. She will get back to you.”

Dinah keeps calm but Oliver, Diggle and Curtis know Felicity, there’s no way she wouldn’t pick up Oliver’s call.

“Call her again.”

Dinah insists and being that no harm will be done Oliver hits redial.

He doesn’t bother leaving a message this time and hangs up as soon as he hears the first words of Felicity welcoming message.

“When did you see her last?”

Dinah is the only one thinking straight.

“I saw her yesterday evening. I left when you guys arrived the Gala, Felicity stayed.”

Curtis was the last person that saw Felicity. A quick phonecall to Thea confirms it. After that moment no one had any contact with her, not even Thea.

“We better go check if she’s not home.”

Oliver and Diggle drive to the loft.

“Oliver, could Prometheus had taken her?”

Oliver feels the blood freezing in his veins.

“Let’s see what we find at the loft. Maybe she’s there.”

Neither of them believes it. And as soon as they cross the apartment building entrance they are sure.

“Mr. Oliver.”

“Albert, how are you?”

“Give me just a minute.”

Oliver watches as Albert takes a key from his desk drawer.

“Ms Smoak asked me to give you these and send thanks to Ms Queen for lending her the loft.”

 In a daze Oliver holds the familiar key chain.

“Where is Ms Smoak?”

“Don’t know Mr Queen. She took a small bag and left.”

Panic starts to set in.

“Let’s go, Oliver. Let’s check the loft.”

Inside the nightmare is too real. Everywhere Oliver looks he breaths Felicity, her presence is too overwhelming.

“Where are you?”

He voices under his breath but Diggle knows him too well.

“Will find her, Oliver. Will find her.”

Oliver walks to the table. The one that haunts his dreams even after a year. There lays an envelope. No name but he knows it’s for him, Felicity would write it for him, and only for him, as he would write for her.

_“I’m glad you are happy, Oliver. I’m glad you are free and happy, Diggle. I’m glad I was able to help you both reaching that life, that happiness, the amount of which you deserve. You always did, Oliver, even if sometimes you didn’t believe it, I always did, for you._

_It’s time for me to go find my own happiness, my own life. I lost my way, for a while, I need to find it, I need to get back on path, any path, but one I can live with._

_Wish you all the happiness._

_Felicity”_

He has no strength, the ground just turned to mush under his feet. Felicity left. His Felicity left. To find her path. What path? She had a path. She was with him making the same path, together… 

“Oliver?”

Turning the letter to Diggle Oliver avoids an answer he isn’t capable of voicing.

“She left?”

Oliver has no words. Every movement hurts.

“We knew she wasn’t herself but… this?”

“She left. John.”

The truth in the words makes every fiber of his body tremble in pain.

“We will find her, Oliver.”

Diggle pulls his phone and call Felicity. Her ringtone echoes the loft. Felicity’s phone rests on the sofa. The screen identifies 7 missed calls and 3 messages. Missed calls from Donna, Oliver (2), Thea (2), Curtis, and John, messages from Donna, asking to call her back, information of a new message on the message box (Oliver’s message) and from Alena (I will be waiting for you.).

“Who’s Alena?”

“Have no idea, Oliver.”

The awareness of how little they know about Felicity’s life sends guilt into the mix of pain.

“Think Curtis will know?”

Back at the bunker they soon find Curtis isn’t aware of the name either. A quick check on the number, however useful, doesn’t result in an identification.

“Oh My God.”

“What? What did you found, Curtis?”

Oliver is restless, pacing, making Curtis nervous.

“It’s Helix.”

“Who’s Helix?”

“A hard core hacktivist group. I know about them because they tried to recruit… a friend of mine, once. They are high end hackers, borderline criminals.”

And suddenly the thumb drive makes sense. Suddenly nothing at all makes sense. How come they didn’t notice something was this wrong?

“Can you track them?”

“I can try but it’s too dangerous. Besides they are everywhere.”

From the looks of it they have even been inside the bunker.

“And Felicity? Can you track her?”

“I can try. But she’s good.”

“So are we.”

Oliver calls Diggle giving him an update. Lyla can help with the tracking.

“Oliver, if Felicity is involved with Helix she’s facing serious jail time.”

“We have to find her Diggle. Before she does get more involved with them.”

 “Lyla will get ARGUS in this. It’s Felicity.”

The next call is to Donna. It’s not an easy call, Donna doesn’t know anything about Felicity, she thought she was fine, has no idea anything is wrong or why would she leave.

“Don’t worry, Donna, we will find her.”

“If she doesn’t want to be found she won’t be, Oliver, she’s her father’s daughter.”

Oliver didn’t believe that, he couldn’t believe that, if he did he would crumble.

“There’s no record of a Felicity Smoak buying any kind of ticket out of Star City.”

“Check the rent-a-car’s and Palmer Tech. She may have used some mean of transportation of theirs.”

He couldn’t think it was useless, if he did he would be lost, Felicity was his light, his North. He needed her, he could live without having her at his side.

* * *

The area was once called The Glades, now it was filled with flashy apartment buildings side by side with decadent warehouses. The park was empty but for two women.

“What’s your plan?”

“Make a living, Alena.”

“We can help with that. Need a place to stay? A new id?”

“No. Nothing like that. I need work. I need to get back to my own path.”

“There’s some freelance jobs we can send your way.”

Felicity takes a card and writes down a phone number.

“My new phone number.”

“I’ll be in touch.”

Felicity watches as Alena leaves the park to take the opposite direction. Inside her pocket her new ID, Meghan Cuttler, in front of her one of the decadent warehouses, but this one was once a place she called home. She doesn’t touch the door with the “Verdant” sign already faded, instead she goes around to the back alley and uses the hidden door there.

The system is still pretty much operational and it’s a home base better than anything she could build from scratch.

* * *

As Felicity turns the lever up she isn’t expecting much. The electricity should have been cut off Verdant long ago, still before it was Verdant it was The Hood Cave and Oliver couldn’t exactly apply for electricity now could he?

At first it looks like nothing is going to happen but the slow humming from behind the debris on the left hand wall gives her hope. With a flick a light comes on on the opposite end of the cave.

With the phone flashlight Felicity navigates the debris with caution. The computers on the desk are totally destroyed but that hardly matters, the system core is humming smoothly behind the wall she just has to find a way to get to it.

Under the lonely light she sees the shape of Oliver’s bed. Fighting to get air into the lungs as her heart tightens, Felicity recalls the day she bought it. It wasn’t easy getting it there, she had to recruit Diggle’s aid as the movers couldn’t deliver the bed to the Cave.

“Only you could make me do this, Felicity.”

Diggle pretended to complain as he help her assemble the bed but he agreed Oliver needed it if he was going to keep sleeping in the Cave.

The emotions, the memories, she fell like she’s dangerously close to start spinning into a pain spiral and she has to stop. She needs to keep going. She needs to reach the system and have it ready for her basic needs.

With some effort Felicity pulls enough debris to get to the servers. There’s bullet holes in one, a fleeting memory makes her smile, but it didn’t hit anything that would prevent the system from working. 

Sitting as comfortable as possible on the debris Felicity connects her laptop. The network tests tell her it’s not perfect, it needs some tweaking, but it’s enough for the basics. And the basics are checking on Oliver, she needs to know he’s okay, and contacting Donna.

By now Oliver knows she’s gone, by now he probably already called her mother. They were always close, a friendship she seldom felt like an outsider in. Has the TV streaming comes on Felicity accesses a VOIP service, that will sound like a regular telephone call to Donna and stop any further questioning.

“Hi, mom.”

The screen is now filled with a direct interview from City Hall, while her mom’s high pitched voice fills her ears.

“Felicity, Sweetheart. Where are you?’”

Felicity smiles on how well she still knows Oliver.

“Safe, in my new home.”

“Oliver is worried sick.”

The live stream of the news shows a different story. Susan is interviewing a rigid but smiling Mayor Queen. It’s hard to believe Oliver is worried about anything except the woman sitting in front of him, and the viewers. Donna is being over emotional like always.

“When you call him. Tell him I’m perfectly fine.”

“Why do you suppose I will call him?”

The laugh burst out of Felicity, unexpected and uncontroled.

“Aren’t you?”

“Not if you don’t want me to.”

She could tell Donna was hurt.

“No, go ahead. I don’t mind. Do as you like.”

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

Everything.

“Nothing, mom. You know me I get through anything, I’m a fighter, like you.”

“That you are.”

“Call you back soon.”

“You be sure to do that, Felicity.”

Felicity cut it short. The long day taking it’s toll with her eyelids starting to slip.

She drags herself to the bed. The bed still holds a faint smell of Oliver. Holding the pillow she lets herself go pretending he’s there, with her.

* * *

“Anything?”

“Nothing.”

Diggle comes into the bunker with no information from ARGUS.

“Lyla won’t give up, Oliver. She loves Felicity. She’s worried about her. She’s also upset with me.”

“I’m upset at myself. How could I let her go in so deep. How?”

“You couldn’t stop her, Oliver. None of us could. You know her. Even better than me.”

“That’s why I didn’t force her, that’s why I didn’t question her. The times I did try to get close she shut me out.”

“That’s why Lyla is upset. I didn’t even try. I was too hung up, first in jail, then with Dinah, and Lyla and John needing me at home. I knew something was off since Russia but I didn’t even try.”

“How do you think I feel?”

Oliver and Diggle had completely forgotten about Curtis, sitting there on the computers.

“Thanks to her I’m here. I knew something was off when she had me and Rory pretend to be Bratva only for her to threaten some Russian into giving us information.”

“What?”

Diggle is in shock. Oliver doesn’t have words, he covers his face with both hands fighting to control the tears. How can he just be knowing about this now?

“I thought you knew? Didn’t Rory tell you?” Curtis turns to Oliver “I thought he did.”

“He didn’t. He started to but then… “

“Then what?”

Diggle’s voice is more of an accusation, one that only adds to Oliver’s grief, but this one is not totally on OLiver.

“Then I had to run and stop you from killing our prisoner.”

The rage seeps in but it lasts only a moment as a beaten down Diggle searches for the table behind him grappling it for balance.

Oliver checks is ringing phone.

“It’s Susan. I must go.”

“Go on. We’ll keep searching for Felicity.”

Curtis didn’t mean it as an accusation but it stung more than Oliver ever thought possible.

The City Hall was a bit hectic but he spotted her slender figure as soon as he walked in.

“Hi.”

Their smile of recognition is the only tell that they are together. For the hundredth time he thanks their arrangement to not engage in romantic gestures while they are working.

“No one knew where you were.”

It could be her way to get information from him, or just a simple statement, at the moment Oliver doesn’t care but his not taking the chance.

“I’m here now.”

“It’s time for the daily update.”

He lets himself be interviewed, forcing the look of countenance that a Mayor should have. Inside he’s a wreck, a need to run out the door, to go and turn heavens and earth to find Felicity. She’s only been gone a day and he already misses her. He lost track of how many times he looked to the phone hoping to find her call, her message, something. But there’s only silence.

“We are done. See you later?”

“Tonight I can’t, Susan. Rain check?”

She’s a bit shocked but her self control doesn’t fail her.

“Sure.”

As soon as the door closes behind her, Oliver’s mask drops. He can’t fake it anymore, the pain is close to unbearable.

“Is she gone?”

Thea’s head is the only thing showing on the doorway.

“Yes.”

Her sister walks in and sits on the chair next to the one Susan was sitting.

“Can you now please tell me what have you been doing while I was away?”

“It wasn’t my fault.”

“What? Susan? I think it was.”

“Theeeaaa”

“Okay. Okay. Felicity. What happen?”

“She got involved with some very bad people.”

“Helix. I know John told me. He also told me about the letter.”

“Then you know everything I do, so… What?”

“How did you not stop her?”

The million dollar question.

“I don’t know, Thea. I wish I could tell you… In this moment I wish I could be Barry and just… go back.”

Oliver is hurting that much is clear to Thea.

“Ollie, what can we do?”

“We are searching. There’s not much else we can do.”

Oliver’s phone rings, hope builds only to be crushed down by Donna’s smiling face on the screen.

“Donna.”

“Felicity called. She’s okay, she says. But…”

Oliver can’t take Donna’s tears, they fuel his own. And he can’t, not here.

“Did she tell you where she is?”

“No. I asked, she just told me she was at her new home. Oliver you need to find my baby girl. Please find her.”

“I will Donna. I promise I will.”

His eyes are dry but the drought is even more painful than the relief of tears as all his being seems to have stopped, unable to start up again. Oliver wishes tears would start flowing maybe the heaviness he feels would be over.

“You made a promise, Oliver. A promise you may not…”

“Don’t, Thea. Please. We will find Felicity.”

Thea feels helpless. Helpless to help her brother, helpless to help Felicity wherever she is.

It’s late when Oliver enters the loft. He misses her he needs to feel her close and the only place he knows he can better do that is here.

He crosses the living room into the kitchen, as pristine as he left it, everything exactly where he put it, only the coffee machine has moved, closer to the window. Oliver smiles, Felicity always liked to take her coffee feeling the sun on her skin, watching the world outside, waking up, bit by bit. And he loved to stand by the toaster pretending to check the bread but in truth just watching the light hitting her bare skin, and her smile.

Tears run down his face now, with the memory of times that he fears will never comeback, a time when he was happy.

He’s spent, exhausted. Upstairs their bedroom is exactly as he recalls it. He doesn’t need to turn on the light to find his way through the all too familiar room. The pillow smells of her, maybe his mind can be tricked into thinking she’s here. Embracing her pillow he falls into oblivion pretending she’s there, with him.

* * *

The Cave was colder than she remembered the gloves protected her fingers from the cold but made it harder to type.

Alena had been true to her promise and a flow of jobs was coming her way. Small jobs nothing high risk. Felicity tried not to think that maybe Alena didn’t trust her work, she hold on to the thought that Helix didn’t trust her enough yet.

She didn’t mind, small jobs kept her busy, without major risk, and brought in enough money for her to survive. Still the Cave was hardly touched, it still showed all the markings of having been attacked, anyone that came close would think no one was there and that was the point.

Felicity kept in touch with Donna. Over the weeks Donna had stop insisting in knowing where she was and had moved on to trying to convince Felicity to go back to Las Vegas. That was the last thing Felicity wanted. Has she did the job’s Helix sent her way she was also gathering intel on Palmer Tech. It was time. It was time for her to gain back what Ray had given her. Then and only then she would move, to Central City.

The phone beeped with a new message.

_“New job. Same place. Alena”_

Taking her hoodie and her backpack Felicity made her way to the Park.

Alena was already there.

“We need information on this subject.”

Felicity takes the small piece of paper Alena left on the bench.

“Same fee. Same timeline.”

Felicity exits as nothing had been exchange.

* * *

The ARGUS agent lurks inside a dark sedan. He has no knowledge of who the girl is but he has documented enough shady encounters to report to Mrs Diggle.

Lyla picks up the file on the activity of the hacker Sledgehammer, ARGUS suspects she’s connected to Helix and hopes that by tracking her she may lead them right to the leaders.

Her activity has been profuse and in the course of the investigation ARGUS had already been able to stop some minor hackers. The leaders however had been careful, so far.

The first photos show Sledgehammer aka Alena on her day to day activities, namely meeting subjects and giving them small pieces of paper that Lyla is sure are assignments. Every photograph with a new face is sent to Research for identification of the new subject.

The last picture in the file, however, didn’t need to be sent to Research.

Lyla calls her husband.

“John. I found her.”

Oliver is pacing restless on the Bunker.

“Where is she, Diggle?”

“She’s coming, Oliver. Be patient.”

Patience was something he didn’t have. He lost it about two weeks after Felicity left.

“She’s fine, Oliver.”

Lyla walks into the Bunker like the Sun has come in through the clouds for both her husband and Oliver.

“Here.”

Oliver takes the photograph. The hoodie covers her hair and part of her face but it’s her, he would know her anywhere. By her side a woman.

“Who’s that with her?”

“Alena. Helix handler.”

The rage threatens to overpower Oliver’s will but he struggles to keep it contain.

“The Park looks familiar.”

“The Glades.”

“She’s here? In Star City?”

“Yes, Oliver. I don’t think she ever left. At least we couldn’t find any traces of her leaving.”

“I’m going.”

“I’ll…”

Lyla puts a hand to her husband chest stopping him.

“Let him go, John.”

* * *

Ever since Verdant had closed Oliver had never returned. The new apartment buildings speeded fast outside but he didn’t even registered, there was only one thing in his mind, Felicity, and the moment he recognized the Park he knew where she was.

It had been home, once, more to him, but she was right, it had been her too home, their home.

Verdant sign welcomed him. The green had faded but the letters were still clear. A look was enough for Oliver to understand the door hadn’t been touched in years. Could he be wrong? Maybe Felicity was somewhere else.

No. Oliver smiles to himself. No, he knows her. His mistake during all this painful month was thinking he didn’t.

He steps around to the entrance at the ally. The door had been used, it’s ill treated but the ground is scraped, signs of something or someone coming and going.

Oliver opens the door with ease. It’s dark inside. Debris everywhere, a shade of what it once was. He let’s the door close shut behind him. Silence is his only welcome, but as his ears adjust to the absence of sound he hears it, the soft humming of her computers. Music to his ears.

Walking inside is a dangerous task, which he learns the hard way when he bumps into some kind of metal sheet. Picking up his phone he checks the ground, it’s not a metal sheet it’s a side of his Salmon Ladder that fell to the ground. To the side a bit of table rests on the ground. It’s enough for him to sit. The phone light fades and darkness surrounds him once more.

“I’ve missed you, Felicity.”

He knew she was there, he could feel it, but only silence answered him.

“How did we get here?”

Again silence.

“How…?”

He couldn’t kept his voice steady.

“We both left, Oliver.”

The relief of hearing her voice is physically painful.

“I needed to find my way to happiness. You taught me that,Felicity.”

Oliver waits a beat, two.

“And I lost my way, Oliver. I need to find it.”

“Have you?”

“Not yet. You?”

“I think I did. Now.”

“Susan makes you happy. I’m glad.”

Susan? He almost forgot about her. It was almost a month since they were together. It was almost a month since she was just a reporter on City Hall. Exactly the time it took ARGUS to find Felicity.

“No.”

Her low giggle echoes the Cave. He drink the sound like a thirsty man drinks water, it’s been much more than a month since she laugh, the small giggle makes him remember the last time he heard her giggle, they were still together, it was the night he ask her to marry him. So many things had pass, so much pain.

“Oliver you can’t know if I’m glad or not.”

Lost in memories Oliver forgot what was the conversation about.

“Susan doesn’t make me happy.”

Only she could, he was sure of it now, if any doubt ever existed.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

He wasn’t. Talking to the darkness was fine and good but he needed to see her, to touch her.

“Where are you?”

“Sitting in your bed.”

Oliver smiles. But it only takes him a moment to understand how hard the task of getting to her is.

“Can you help me navigate?”

“Where are you?”

“Just next to the Salmon Ladder.”

“Can’t do it anymore.”

A brief moment of panic.

“What?”

“The Salmon Ladder. It fell. As soon as you are free from the top of it you can walk straight. There’s small debris but you will get here safely.”

Soon he can distinguish her figure sitting still on the bed.

He just wants to hold her and never let go but he doesn’t dare. Still her warmth sends a shiver down his spine the moment he sits by her side.

“I missed this bed.”

By the sound of her breath he knows she’s laughing.

“I bet.”

Memories of Sara come seeping in but soon it’s not Sara with him on the bed.

“It’s not that.”

“Not a very comfortable bed.”

It’s his turn to smile.

“Better than the floor.” 

“I believe you.”

Silence lingers.

“Oliver, I can’t live forever in your shadow. Forever living your life and pretend its my life. I need my own life.”

It hurt. He needed her there with him, he need her in his life, as he needed to be in hers.

“Helix isn’t giving you that, Felicity. They are dangerous.”

“You know about them.” she’s not even surprise “You are right, they are dangerous, as I was, once.”

“You weren’t like them, Felicity.”

“You didn’t knew me then. Still, I don’t care to join them, I just need them to get myself back to my feet.”

“I could do that, Felicity, I could help you.”

“Too risky. Besides you are busy, you are all busy, with Prometheus and City Hall and all the rest.”

“I’m never busy for you, Felicity.”

She freezes and he knows why, he’s lying.

“Sorry, I was busy, but most of all I was giving you the space I thought you wanted me to give.”

“Space…”

Oliver nods before he recalls it’s too dark for Felicity to see.

“Yes.”

“I felt alone, Oliver. Just… alone. But I won’t get in the way to your happiness.”

“That’s the issue right there.”

“What is?”

“You are my happiness, Felicity. It’s no use trying anything else…”

Felicity sharp intake has Oliver holding his own.

“I need you, Felicity. Go and build your life, I won’t stop you. Do whatever you want just give us another chance.”

Oliver feels Felicity hand searching his face, his lips, and his ready when her lips touch his. His hunger meets hers, the perfect match. Felicity allows him to lay her on bed.

“Are you sure?”

“You are my always.”

As the words of his wedding vows echoes the Cave they lose themselves in each other. Home once more.

 


End file.
